Here at Entry Revel, we are going to start a weekly hypothetical to get your creative juices flowing heading into Friday night and give you something to chat about after your third drink at the bar this weekend or after you mail it in this afternoon. Without further adieu, here is the #300Challenge.
The #300Challenge: In 15 minutes, you have to count backwards from 300. If you can do it, you will receive $2M but if you screw up or misspeak in anyway, you lose your sense of taste for the rest of your life. Do you accept this challenge?
Weebay: Let’s break this down a little bit more. Counting backwards from 300 over 15 minutes would mean having to state one number every 3 seconds. That’s a relatively quick pace for someone without an accounting degree and my brain size. Compound that with my inability to perform under pressure (see my beer league softball batting average with runners in scoring position) and the true success rate of accomplishing this task I’m going to peg at 50%.
Now let’s talk about money. I would say $2M is not really life changing which is spoken like a true white middle class citizen. You can live comfortably granted you invest properly but you can’t just sail on a yacht across the globe for the rest of your life and live like Jordan Belfort. You still gotta fucking work…
Taste, and ultimately food, is something that people look forward to everyday, including myself. It’s really at the forefront of most social gatherings and something that would be very difficult to give up. What am I supposed to do? Feel the way the food tastes in my mouth? I guess if I had no taste buds I would eat pretty healthily and be in shape but then again you still wouldn’t be able to fucking taste pizza ever again. Heavy trade off…
In conclusion, I would NOT accept this challenge. The risk of not completing the task coupled with an amount of money I don’t deem as “FUCK YOU” coin, coupled with something that I look forward to on a daily basis wouldn’t be worth it. The more I think about it, I don’t think there is any amount of money that I would do this for. Never thought I would say taste doesn’t have a price but I guess I learned something new about myself today.
TeeTime: I don’t mean to back-hand brag but from an intellectual perspective I peaked pretty early. If college were my dark ages, grade school was my enlightenment. I was the Bruce Jenner of elementary school intellectual decathlon. I’m talking spelling bee championships, invention convention master and mathletes MVP.
In my prime in the 3rd grade I would have taken this bet quicker than I would have said yes to being a contestant on “Legends of the Hidden Temple”, mostly because I was cocky AF and partly because I was a fat kid and could buy soooo many Lunchables with that kinda coin.
But years of binge drinking, “just getting by” and using Excel for basic arithmetic have made me dumber not only than a 5th grader, but anyone who likes Jeff Foxworthy.
The real issue here with the act itself is counting DOWN. Not as hard as the old wives tale that is a cop asking you to say the alphabet backwards to prove you’re not driving with one too many light lagers in you, but nonetheless counting down would trip me up. I would definitely get clusterfucked … the 7, 6 transition has always been my kryptonite.
I see the 15 minute time limit as a non-factor, because if it takes you more than 300 seconds to do this you may as well check your taste buds at the door. Time is a factor here in the same way time is a factor in Super Mario Bros.
So assuming I’m likely going to lose my taste, it comes down to is it worth $2M to risk living a pointless existence of culinary handicap and seeing food porn that you can’t metaphorically get off to. Being Italian, slightly overweight and a human being, food is pretty much the only reason I get up in the morning.
The quick answer to “would you risk your sense of taste for $2M” is a resounding “no”. But maybe, just maybe I pitch a perfect game and get $2MM. Plus even if I do lose I’ve always subscribed to the “cheap vodka” school of thought. Likely stemming from the mental repercussion of childhood obesity this idealogy theorizes that if one has no taste, one would eat super healthy because you wouldn’t care what you ate. Simply put, you don’t drink for the taste, you drink for the end-gane, in this case, sustenance.
Conclusion: With all that said. the bottom line is that I would never do this. The amount of nerves would be “first black guy as president” or “flying over Crimea” level. I’d probably get to 275 and skip roughly 5 numbers or just forget what comes after 200. I don’t have faith in my counting skills, I’m pretty sure I’d be completely irresponsible with the $2 M and I don’t see any point in living without tastebuds … except maybe when you accidentally get a pea in a bite of fried rice.
The Office Sports Guy: Seems like an easy answer on the surface right? I’m a CPA. I deal with numbers all day every day, so how hard could it be to count down backwards from 300? The answer: it wouldn’t be as easy as you think. Plus, there’s a major misperception that as an accountant I have to be phenomenal at math. FALSE – in fact I just need to know how to use Excel and/or a calculator. So if you told me that I had to count down backwards from 300 in EXCEL…sign me up. I can handle that in my sleep. But saying it out loud, there’s going to be a lot of pressure and all it takes is one little slip of the tongue. But the real reason why I wouldn’t give this a shot, despite the big $2 million potential payout…is my deep-seeded love and affection for food.
I get an abnormal amount of personal satisfaction directly from the food that I eat on a day-to-day basis. Probably not a great thing to admit for a married man with a kid on the way, but I’m a true fat kid at heart – and my wife loves me for it (god bless her soul). After a tough day at work most people would just grab a beer or a glass of wine. Not me. My solution is some comfort food at home: garlic bread with gorgonzola, tortellini with pesto and sundried tomatoes, those dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets….YUM. I could go for some right now. Even as I look back on all the awesome vacations that I’ve had traveling all over the world, a ton of my memories are directly connected to food that I ate. Fresh seafood on the coast of Turkey, pasta with black truffles in Tuscany, gourmet donuts in Portland, Oregon…it just goes on and on. So the thought of not being able to taste that anymore is not something I can get on board with. No way, no how…the reward DOES NOT outweigh the risk for me. I’ll keep grinding along as a cog in the corporate machine and go home every night to enjoy my delicious food.