Things to do while iOS Updates

In a world where iPhones double as an appendage, it can be difficult to live without yours for even the smallest amount of time. I generally procrastinate big software...

In a world where iPhones double as an appendage, it can be difficult to live without yours for even the smallest amount of time. I generally procrastinate big software updates for months; opting instead to have my phone operate at a glacial pace rather than miss the seventh snapchat of the day from my sister who just keeps trying (and failing) to face swap with her toothless French bulldog.COPENHAGEN (2)Side note: Why can’t you faceswap with your dog? Get on that snapchat developers.

Today, however, Instagram finally refused to open in my now-fossilized version of iOS, and I knew it was time. Settling in for an update with no end in site, feeding off of a wireless connection just slightly faster than AOL 6.3, I had a choice to make. I could do what I normally do, which is to flip on the Apple TV and hope to siphon off the little Wi-Fi bandwidth that’s left to watch Gilmore Girls for the 3,021st time, or I could make an attempt at being productive on a weekend. So naturally, I did neither.

Instead, I thought of 7 things I could have done, and compiled them into a list. While it’s too late for me as my iPhone (his name is Hubert), finished his update before this list had dried, there’s still hope for y’all. Next time you find yourself dreading that little red bubble above your settings app, turn to this post and get to wasting some time.

  1. Build a fort. Thought forts were for the 5 and under crowd? Think again. They’re cozy, you can hide dirty laundry in them, and it’s great practice in the event of the impending zombie apocalypse.
  2. Color. I’m not talking about the new adult coloring fad that requires sharpening colored pencils every 17 strokes and purchasing a $12 book full of blank mandalas. Nay, my friends, that coloring is for the people who spend far too much time at bikram yoga. Go find a good ole’ fashioned My Little Pony book, grab those Crayolas, and get after that cross-hatching.
  3. Learn how to properly make a good cup of coffee. There is nothing more satisfying than being able to have a real conversation with your local hipster barista on the chocolate notes you get from pourover vs Chemex. Double bonus points if you wear flannel while having said conversation.
  4. Do 50 air squats. Nobody likes a bro who’s skipped leg day one too many times, and it’s good for your flexibility. As they say in the industry, “Drop it low girl, drop it, drop it low girl”
  5. Catch up on work emails… JK. Don’t do that. Have a life outside of work. Everyone hates the coworker who’s constantly emailing at 9PM while the rest of us have had 3 cocktails since happy hour and debating which ex to stalk on Facebook first that night.
  6. Write someone a thank you note. I’m as entitled as the next 25-year-old white girl from an upper middle class family, but at some point you have to thank the people who helped you get to where you are. It could be your Mom, dog, or mailman, just take the time to appreciate that you can’t be the Twitter celebrity you are without your posse.
  7. Interpretive dance. Because, you know why.

Whatever you choose to do with your time, never lose faith in that you will soon be rejoined with the world via your own Hubert. That data plan may cost you more than the crack attainable on the streets of Detroit, but you fiend for it just the same and the people at Verizon are so much more reasonable than Omar Little. Signing off here, as there’s a new snapchat filter I have get on my story before my sister does.

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