Trump, Clinton win in New York. New York held their primary on Tuesday and Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton came out on top. Why it matters: Primary wins mean at least 6 more weeks of Donald Trump.Michael Strahan leaving Live. Why it matters: This is a big fucking deal for housewives and stay at home dads across the US. I’m talking, Bob Barker leaving the ‘Price is Right’, big. Not so hot take: How did Strahan get this job anyways? And where do I apply? I’m great at talking about nothing for hours. Exhibit A: Entry Revel. Watercooler banter: FINALLY something to talk about with anyone over 45!
Johnny Manziel is (still) an idiot. In the matter of a week, Johnny Manziel trashed a house, played in a ball pit, got dropped by his agent, was involved in a hit and run, went to Coachella, got caught in a lie about living with Von Miller and has a court date for domestic violence on Thursday. Why it matters: Unless you kept Johnny in your Fantasy League is doesn’t really matter. There’s nothing that America likes more than a good redemption story, and Johnny is setting us up for a good one … right? Not so hot take: I think its fair to say it’s time to strip Johnny of his “Football” moniker. He looks more like the president of the Eminem fan club. Maybe he’ll go the Screech route and star in an adult film … Johnny Foot-fetish?
Brazil’s impeachment. There is a battle in Brazil to impeach President Dilma Moussef. Haters are claiming that she used political sorcery (read: fudging the numbers) to win re-election. Why it matters: This could lead to a unstable government in an unstable-r region of the world. Some critics are also calling this an illegal coup and it could test the vulnerabilities of the Brazilian government. Not so hot take: You mean to tell me that a POLITICIAN in a DEVELOPING NATION is getting in trouble for committing fraud?
Utah Governor claims porn is a public health crisis. Why it matters: Did you fucking read what I wrote? Not so hot take: The state of Utah will have a real public health crisis on its hands if people stop watching porn. There will be rioting in the streets. There will be so much pent up rage … and the financial services industry will suffer: