This is a direct, visceral reaction to TeeTime’s piece AGAINST Pokemon Go.
Aside from spitefully acting out against TeeTime’s aversion to fun, there are mountains of less vengeful reasons to play Pokemon Go. From exercise, to childhood validation issues solved that no therapist could touch, we’ve got you covered.
The Tech Specs…
Yes, there will be advertisements eventually. And yes, the graphics aren’t what you’re going to find on the latest version of Halo that you’ve been holed up playing on Xbox in your mom’s basement. That being said, YOU USED TO PLAY THIS GAME ON A FUCKING 1-INCH SCREEN.
Unless you’re a kid computer genius with a full ride to MIT at age 8, the fact that you can capture pokemon in your actual world should be tech-y enough for you
Oh and that data? Get a real person job where they pay for your phone and data plan. You can bet my Pokémon time is sponsored by my company.
Nobody outside of the nerd world knows what the hell Game Shark is. And cheaters never win.
This app has done in one week what has taken Michelle Obama 8 years; the kids are alive! Kudos to the genius who thought to combine physical activity with a video game;the makers of Wiii couldn’t touch this dude. There are literally reddit threads on what to do about sore legs due to Pokemon Go.
Who cares if you never make it to the top? We’ve been giving out participant ribbons since I was in elementary school, and by millennial standards that’s a long ass time ago.
You probably all live in a lovely large city with access to public transportation and a Whole Foods, so let’s all take a short dive into my life, shall we? I live in the 2nd most obese state in the nation, a block away from a housing project, and it’s roughly 1000 degrees from March to November.
Nobody Moves. Ever.
Since the phenomena started, foot traffic in my neighborhood has increased by 500%. Kids who used to be terrified of my dog are coming up and asking what kind of Pokemon she is. The neighborhood bar that was about to close down this month? Now booming with people sitting and playing Pokemon (I even saw a hipster there yesterday). This app builds community that’s undeniable. In a time filled with such hate, let us have this one feel-good win that everyone needs. Keep spreading the love, y’all.
Not to mention Pokemon Go is officially more popular than porn. Normal women everywhere are fist pumping that they’re competing with Jigglypuff fantasies instead of Asian school girls.
But most importantly…
This game is fun. Your 10-year-old self-confidence probably hasn’t surfaced since Alyssa from 5th grade mocked your training bra and you learned that the world is cruel. This game makes you happy, it makes other people happy, and that makes for a better world all around. If we could all embrace our inner child for just a few hours a day, CNN would have a lot less depressing shit to report on.
The Last Word
Above all, let’s remember that this is a game. It wasn’t created by the government, not ours anyways, and it’s meant for enjoyment. Don’t be an idiot- don’t do it driving, be aware of your surroundings, and don’t be the asshole who robs people. That being said, spread the joy and enjoy yourselves. Go get those Pokemon!