The Gospel According to Beyoncé: Millennial Men

Who knew our marketing intern had writing chops too? Guys are the worst. I am serious. They are emotionally stunted, generally don’t understand how to communicate effectively (read TeeTime’s...

Who knew our marketing intern had writing chops too?

Guys are the worst. I am serious. They are emotionally stunted, generally don’t understand how to communicate effectively (read TeeTime’s article here), and most things that come out of their mouth fall into the “really fucking stupid” category. But, there is some hope to be had for those of us who are still waiting for Mr. Right to come along, while sifting through every right-swiping Mr. Wrong. There are plenty of proverbial narccistic fish with canned pickup lines who looked at lot less like Jake from State Farm in their profile picture in the sea. But until then …

1) It is probably not you. So he hooks up with you and ghosts? It happens all the time. No joke, I am not a scientist (but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night), but I am 80% sure that he is probably just an asshole/doesn’t know any better/definitely wasn’t that good anyways. You don’t need Dr. Phil to remind you that boys really do mature slower than girls.

2) You have a life. Well, at least I hope you do. You have all kinds of responsibilities and shit to attend to, and you don’t need some 195 pound #dadbod weighing you down. Want to hit the gym? You can do it without makeup. Want to make breakfast naked? I suggest not cooking bacon.

3) Blame the culture. The hookup culture we live in has been this way for a long time. Hand to God, the 20 somethings of yesteryear were putting up with this shit too. Guys just want to stick their joystick in a coin slot, and to be honest, don’t we all want to win the game occasionally?

4) You always have the hookup. Feel free to use their own system against them. It worked in Independence Day, right? Ghost out on one of them. It won’t hurt them as much as it hurt you, but fuck ‘em. Literally.

So, the next time you get ghosted, or dumped, or ditched, put on some Boyz II Men and handle your shit. Because you are a bad-ass betch.

Cue the “Fight Song”:

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College Grad | Retired Srat Star | ENFP | Murderino | Traveler
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