Whether it’s your middle-aged racist aunt who shares them on Facebook in between Buzzfeed 5 second food videos, or you’re diving into the depths of Black Twitter, internet happens. Now that we’re getting into the heat of election season, Colin Kaepernick is still kneeling for the national anthem, and Pepe the frog is a raging anti-Semite, they’re going to be fast and furious and, like a morbidly obese Pokemon Go player, you probably won’t catch them all. I get it. You’re stuck in an office all week, and don’t always get the chance to dig deep into what’s happening online while you slave away for your corporate overlords.
Well I’m here to help. I will be your ear to the streets of the concrete jungle that is the World Wide Web. I’ll be serving you the freshest tweets and the dankest memes that you might not have seen, and rating them accordingly. Did I miss any? Let me know.
Here’s what you missed this week:
Off to a HOT start. Any tweet that is able to work in the gif of Shaq shimmying is going to score well with me. Mix in the fact that there’s an old, awkward woman pandering to my millennial ass on the other end? That’s a recipe for success: B+
A classic movie reference makes an appearance in nugget number two here. If you haven’t seen Airplane! Then I implore you to close whatever device you’re reading this on, heave it out the nearest window, and go watch right now. Pure American cinematic genius. Also, if you didn’t hear, Donald Trump sniffed a lot at the debate, so there’s that too : C+, only because of nostalgia.
Here we go. This is what I’m talking about. Smokin’ Joe Biden. He’s the creepiest VP we’ve ever had, and that makes him ripe for the mocking. The believability factor is off the charts with this tweet. You can’t honestly sit there right now, and tell me that this isn’t a real exchange that’s happened in the oval office. I bet Joe Biden throws a mean spiral too: A
I will not lie, this picture had me actually laughing out loud. Not figuratively like [insert every basic white girl here] but actually, audibly laughing out loud. There’s something about seeing old people looking disappointed that just brings laughter to my heart. Does that make me an awful person? Probably. Didn’t stop me from laughing at this tweet, and all of the subsequent versions that came to light: A
Lets take her home with our boy Gary Johnson. Gary has had a rough couple of weeks. We all gave him the benefit of the doubt when he thought that Aleppo was an acronym that he’d never heard of, but when he literally could not name another world leader, not one, that was where the thirty party fans lost hope. I mean seriously, dude went with the old president of Mexico. WTF Gary? There’s 196 countries in the world and you go with the old president of Mexico? Not a good look. This tweet though; timely, humiliating: B+
There you have it loyal citizens. Those are the Tweets of the Week®. They all came from the debate because that was this week’s big to-do, but this column is open to anything and everything. If it’s social media, it’s fair game.
If you happen to look up from your excel sheets this week and catch something that I missed, or you think that my rating system is deeply flawed, feel free to let me know in the comments, or yell at me in 140 characters @andyjglagman. See you on the other side.