While you destroyed your liver, like it was 1999, the rest of us were watching diligently, like Batman (Michael Keaton, not Christian Bale). We all know sometimes we avoid the news, and with this shitshow political race, why wouldn’t you avoid looking directly at our impending doom? #AmericanningIsHard
Here’s the top 3 things you missed this weekend:
1) Clinton v Trump Debate. Hillary brought her bad self to the table yet again, and kept a cool composure while Donald was acting like the child everyone hates in the checkout line. And when a fly landed on her eye brow, she didn’t even flinch. If that isn’t cool under pressure, I honestly have no clue what is.
Trump didn’t necessarily shit the bed. He did use sarcasm as a weapon a lot. Just because he didn’t internally combust into a dumpster fire, doesn’t mean he won the debate, though. But if he is doing as much coke as his leaky nostrils indicate, he is in better shape than all of us. #snifflegate
As a whole, we can recap the debate in one sentence: “Trump knows nothing about Russia, and we should all elect Anderson Cooper and Martha Raddatz instead.”
2) Today is Columbus Day. Columbus Day, a day of mattress sales and for some people, a day off from the corporate hustle. But there is something more sinister lurking here. From now on, I am going to assume that anytime someone has a Columbus Day sale, I can just walk in and take whatever I want, and get away with it, because it is mine and I said so.
3) Baseball is still America’s Favorite Post-Season. The Chicago Cubs aren’t a complete clusterfuck this year, even without Henry Rowengartner. David Ortiz is planning on avoiding drug testing by hanging up his Red Sox after this season. Blue Jay fans are cavemen. Baseball is and always will be as American as washing down a deep fried McDonald’s apple pie with Monster at a state fair. Don’t you forget that, Roger Goodell.
Keep up with news here on Entry Revel, and we promise to keep you (slightly) ahead of your friends around the water cooler.