Being the Child of a Donald Trump Supporter Blows

Every successive time that your dad has pledged his Trumpian allegiance, it's ripped the scab off that wound of embarrassment again

If you’re a child of a Donald Trump supporter, you’ve probably been reminded of your parent’s insistence that everyone vote along those lines come Nov. 8 on a daily basis at minimum.

Actually, the first time you saw your dad incorrectly use the words “there” and “your” in a Facebook rant about how The Donald “tells it like it is” was probably too much information for you. Every successive time that he has pledged his Trumpian allegiance, it’s ripped the scab off that wound of embarrassment again.

Why it sucks so bad

There’s so much to hate about this situation. You know from growing up in your mom’s home that she is clueless when it comes to the political scene in the United States of America. She has no idea what Congressional district she lives in. She can’t name either of the two sitting United States Senators whom represent her, but all of a sudden she is an expert on how the government doesn’t work.

For f*ck’s sake, you can’t remember the last time you saw her even buy a book, much less read one. Even Ann Coulter’s moronic dribble would be something. Prior to dear old mother’s daily benedictions to The Don, her normal Facebook activity consisted of the 37 goddam virtual casino games she plays posting to her timeline for her along with sharing posts which tell her that she doesn’t love Jaboozis if she ignores them.

The almost sh*ittiest part about it is if you were to back your Clump-adoring father into a corner and make him give you just one intelligent, rational reason for being so enamored with Flump, he couldn’t actually fulfill that request. He would just babble on about nothing of any real substance, just like Schlump.

There’s no way out of this sh*tstorm

You can’t do that though. All it would accomplish is frustrating you further and strengthening his resolve to announce his invocations of the Orange Deity even louder. That’s when you realize the actual most f*cked-up aspect of this terrible fascination.

It’s not really about Dump as a person or even as a POTUS candidate. It’s about what he represents for your parent. For decades, your parent has toiled in mediocrity. He/she has lived her/his entire life in a 10-mile radius, working crappy jobs and dealing with the disappointment of unrealized dreams.

Scrump’s rise to being one of the two POTUS finalists despite all his business failures, character travesties and full-on douchebaggery spins a new narrative. Life has been rigged against your parent by incompetent, selfish people in positions of political power. Immigrants, Muslims, Mexicans, women and China’s global warming conspiracy have been the cause of your parent’s failures in life.

Glump has now burst on to the scene promising a solution to this “injustice,” and your parent is eating it up because not only does your mom have someone to blame her shortcomings on, she really believes that somehow Chump can give her the slice of the good life that ISIS stole from her in the 1990s, when ISIS didn’t exist.

The end game of this craziness

Maybe that’s not your parent. Perhaps he has an in-ground pool in the backyard, and he’s just excited that he might finally not have to hold back his misogynist, racist and xenophobic comments. Maybe he just relishes the opportunity to take jabs at the tree-hugging liberals, like when he puts the word “doesn’t” between “Obama” and “care.”

Regardless of the motivation, it blows. Take solace in the fact that you aren’t alone, and after about Nov. 12, your parent’s political Facebook activity will go back to non-existent. There may be some crazies who try to avenge the “theft” of the election from Trump, but you don’t need to worry about your parent. He/she doesn’t have that much ambition.

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Election Revel

Voted No. 8 in The 14 Least Masterful Masters of the Universe, which means I am a more masterful master than King Hiss, who is No. 11. If you're more masterful than a king, you're really running the show, bishes.
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