Welcome to Thomp’s Dream-Easy, where I will interpret your dreams! It’s kind of like a speakeasy in the sense that my blogging lair is hidden deep beneath empty Doritos bags and the rampant alcohol consumption fueling this madness is borderline illegal. I will walk you through the fucked up journey that is your brain on airplane mode, just send me your dreams at @TOMxTHOMP on twitter to be featured in next week’s blog! Let’s jump right in.
Okay, there’s a real simple answer for this one: you’re dreaming about time travel. I’ve done some research and basically, this is how it works. You fall asleep and have a normal dream except at the very end you travel forward in time, which makes you wake up, or so you think. What actually happens when you “wake up,” is that you are still dreaming until the next time you “fall asleep,” and have a night with “no dreams.” This is the plot of your original dream setting itself up for a sequel before you wake up for real 5-12 hours later, depending on what kind of human being you are. If you do this too many times however, the line of what is real and what is a dream blurs until you either get stuck in the dream world or develop early onset dementia. Don’t forget to bring your anchor.
Alright, so I’ve cracked this one, but you’re probably not going to like what it means. There’s an irrational fear holding you back from fulfilling your potential, and you can’t excel in life without overcoming it. It’s pretty clear that you already understand what this dream means to you, and basically, you’ve gotta fight your mom. The only thing truer than dreams is reality, pretty sure that’s a Stephen Hawking quote. You’ve gotta make this dream a reality to get it to stop plaguing you, just make sure you win or the dreams could get worse/more frequent. Don’t take any chances. Fly out to Philly now, see the liberty bell, climb the staircase in front of the art museum, tenderize some beef brisket with your fists, the whole lot. Godspeed.
Finally, some symbologism for me to break down. When I started this column
this week I dreamt of using my analytical brain to actually do some good, and this is a doosey. Just from this description, I know three things about this guy. 1) This isn’t a guy, it’s a chick. I’m 100% positive no guy has ever thought to re-dye fading kicks, and wouldn’t be upset enough to discuss the failed job with a friend, even in a dream. 2) This is a true Reveler. Someone with a flashy job just goes out, buys another pair of $40 Chucks, and calls it a day. This chick is a scrapper, a fighter, she’s still clawing her way to the top and isn’t going to let dirty kicks hurt her look or wallet. #Respect. 3) She’s into some kinky shit.
Let’s look at the key signs, she’s fixated on three specific things that I think tell the whole story. Her feet, the fact that they are forever unclean, and her friend who’s gender is never specified. Now best case scenario is that she has stinky feet and can only confide in one person or something like that. There is however the possibility that she’s into some real kinky shit involving her feet and a non-gender-specific partner which she feels she will never live down. That sounds FAR more interesting, so I’m gonna run with it. It’s 2016, and anyone can do whatever the fuck they want with whatever person/body parts they’d like. You gotta own that shit to get over whatever freakiness you’re clearly ashamed of. Feel free to DM me with more details on your kinky escapades, I’m a completely confidential psychiatrist.* We can work this out and help you Dream-Easy again!
*I’m neither a psychiatrist nor confidential.