kid with robot and glasses

Google has AI that can encrypt itself and we’re all going to die

I don’t mean to sound dramatic, so I apologize if that title came off that way. But honestly it was really nice knowing all of you. This is the end for us. Donald Trump is president. The North Koreans are testing nuclear missiles, and it’s only a matter of time until the robots overtake us. My time writing with Entry Revel contained some of the best moments of my life (I don’t get out much). I can remember one time, where I wrote a blog post about farting. It was magical. Everything was just starting to look up. The recession was over and things were just getting back to the good ole days. But Google couldn’t leave well enough alone. They made robots that can encrypt themselves.

What’s the matter Google? The world’s most powerful search engine wasn’t enough?  Hell, I’m writing this in a Google doc right now so that my work computer can’t tell that I’m saying fuck a bunch of times in this blog. Google had to go and make computers that can encrypt themselves. What does this mean? I’m glad you asked. 

Google had a couple of robots that they built named Bob and Alice whose job it was to share a secret key between one another. Eve, that home-wrecking bitch, had the job of intercepting the key between Bob and Alice, and figuring out what the hell they were talking about. Well, Bob and Alice, in an effort to keep nosy ass Eve from learning their secrets, devised their own method of encryption through machine learning. Not a big deal right? Since the humans on either end were giving them instructions. WRONG. Bob and Alice began creating encryption that did not follow the standard practice of any encryption that any human had ever done. So essentially these robots created their own secret language to protect their messages.

michael scott encrypt inside jokes

Eve on the other hand, who was using human decryption methods, had no clue what the fuck was going on. So essentially, what we’re looking at here are a couple of god damn robots with the ability to communicate in a language that is unreadable by humans. The only thing stopping these aluminum bastards from going off the rails is that the researchers still have control over both Bob and Alice. Were they to lose that ability and Bob or Alice were to become sentient? Well then you can kiss the human race goodbye. We’ll be enslaved before you can say Tin Man.

Between this and Stephen Hawking telling us that the human brain is essentially a very slow computer, which could be pretty easily replicated by machines, we’re looking at a Westworld scenario within the next couple of years, if my calculations are correct. Personally, I am not that worried about the inevitable takeover of mankind. I feel like I get too stressed with my day to day responsibility. If there’s one thing that you don’t have as a robot slave, it’s responsibility.