A Message to Those Who Consider Themselves Politically Savvy

Celebrities across the country are being haunted by their empty declarations that they would up and move to Canada, while millennials that just moved to major cities are scratching their heads, asking themselves, “how could this have possibly happened??” So please, allow me to help you all out.
echo chamber

Donald J. Trump is the next President of the United States of America.

I’ll give everyone a moment to let that sink in before I dive in on this rant. Everyone ready? Good. Now, judging by the looks of my Facebook and Twitter timelines, people are none too pleased. Celebrities across the country are haunted by their empty declarations that they would up and move to Canada, while millennials  are scratching their heads wondering, “how could this have possibly happened??” So please, allow me to help you all out.


Remember that suuuper deep Facebook status you wrote? You know, the one where you talked about how your side is completely right while making fun of those who disagree with you? The status that ended in either #ImWithHer or #MakeAmericaGreatAgain? The one where as you were typing it you thought to yourself, “this is gonna make a difference?” Well guess what, you made literally zero difference. You know why? Because Facebook and Twitter create fake realities in which we all, everyone one of us, live.


Think about it, who are your friends on Facebook? Most likely they’re people that grew up in the same area as you, and as a result of being exposed to the same environment in which you were raised, think exactly like you. For example, if you live in the Northeast and really think you’re being ~edgy~ about being pro life or a feminist, in reality you’re saying whatever will get you the most likes. It’s easy to share your opinion when it’s a popular one. So to all of my affluent white male feminists in the Northeast and SoCal, careful out on that limb guys!


The same problem happens on Twitter. You follow celebrities and popular profiles because you agree with what they’re saying and/or they’re funny. It’s natural to think that everyone agrees with your viewpoints if on the left you only follow the Lena Dunham’s of the world and on the right the Curt Schilling’s, but the fact of the matter is that an overwhelming amount of people that voted last night don’t have a social media presence whatsoever.


But while my social media timelines have been bothering me both before and after this election, what really has me shook is that all of this could have been avoided in three different ways:


  • Growing up I was taught fight fire with fire. As soon as Trump started winning primaries, the democrats should’ve gone all in with Bernie. You wanna get crazy, create some electric television? Bernie would’ve given the Democrats that “don’t give a fuck” attitude that people love about Trump, but could’ve done it far more eloquently and with much more class. I’m 10000% sure Bernie could have beaten Trump, but Hill Dog couldn’t let the guy squander her moment in the sun.
  • All of the people that flooded my timeline saying, “Vote! Go Vote!” are morons imo. First, because those statuses probably gave some people the courage to go out and actually vote for Trump. But second, could you imagine what would’ve happened if we had done the opposite? Once the primaries were over if we boycotted the election and encouraged everyone to not vote? It would’ve been chaos! No votes to count on election night would have meant no winner. Well, maybe Johnson because I feel like those voters wouldn’t have gotten the memo. We may have been able to give ourselves a mulligan and redo this whole thing next year.
  • All jokes aside, this third one really gets me down. Race is a sensitive issue in America right now, probably more so than I have ever been alive to witness. People are starting to acknowledge that white privilege is real, albeit uncomfortable for some to admit. Instead of addressing this matter, we pretty much completely ignore it. We nominate the whitest people possibly ever to run for President. Republicans had a woman, Latino man, and even an African American neurosurgeon running, and went with the white guy. Hell, even Bernie proved that he could ball out during the primaries and Democrats still went with Hillary. If a system of mass incarceration and bigotry continues to persist in America in the coming months, we only have ourselves to blame.


At the end of the day, Donald Trump turned out to be a lot like Villanova’s basketball team.

Everyone thought the white guy couldn’t possibly keep winning, but when it’s all over he’s the guy cutting down the net. If you were a Hillary supporter (which I don’t entirely understand how you could be all in on Hillary) then you need to chill out. It’s not like she was a much better choice than Agent Orange, and these protests aren’t gonna change anything. Protestors are kind of acting like that kid at recess who got out on a double tap in four square, started crying, and took their ball home. If you wanted to actually make a difference, you should’ve been campaigning your state representatives instead of letting Republicans take control of Congress. We have a system of checks and balances people, can we act for once like we know how to use it?


As an indifferent, white, libertarian, my life wasn’t gonna change that much anyway, and probably won’t for a while. I was dealt a pair of pocket aces and understand that for those in the African American, Mexican American, female, and LGBTQ communities that you’re scared right now. But, if you’re a part of those communities and live in California, Nevada, or Massachusetts, I invite you to join me and smoke some newly legal weed to help take off the edge of what the next four years might hold for you all. If you live anywhere else? Well, find some Bud Heavy and start chugging. You’re most certainly going to need it.


However, don’t let this guy ruin your life. Be you, triumph in the face of adversity, and keep fighting the good fight. We’re all gonna die anyway, Trump may just get us there a little quicker than we thought. Trump 2016, Apocalypse 2020 (or sooner).

Election Revel

SAT Score: 1850 - 640, 610, 600. My counselor said she'd never seen someone, "so well-rounded." Favorite Winter Olympic Sport: 1.) Curling 1A.) Biathlon. Both started ironically and have grown to genuine love. Celebrity to grab drinks with: Jesus. Nobody is better at mixing in a water than that guy.
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