What Could Be Better Than Winning Super Bowl Tickets Every Year? I’m Glad You Asked

Super Bowl tickets every year is cool, but you know what would be cooler...

Bud Light has announced that it will give one lucky customer a Super Bowl ticket for the rest of their lives. That’s right, one ticket to the Super Bowl every single year that this person lives. The only condition is that the winner must find a golden can in their pack of beer in order to win the aforementioned prize. On the surface, this seems like a pretty sweet promotion, right? But, I have a few concerns…

 

First, I’m a Miller Lite guy. Only 95 calories, great taste, less filling, you know the slogan and specs. Plus, the city of St. Louis is a pimple on the otherwise inspiring, yet asymmetrical, face of America. Thus, as a man who treats his body with respect, I try not to drink trash beers from Chicago’s younger second cousin that everyone hates.

 

Second, this seems a little inappropriate to do the year that Gene Wilder, the originally Willy Wonka, died. I get the idea of trying to pay homage to a legend, but maybe we wait a year. The wounds are still fresh, Bud Light, come on.

 

Finally, the elusive golden can will be put into less than 1% of Bud Light packs. The odds of you winning this sweepstakes are about as likely as me saying that I’m happy to be under 6 feet tall. So, you’ll most likely end up spending a bunch of money on beer you won’t want to drink.

 

So, my question is this, fellow revelers: why spend money on a competition that you probably won’t win for a beer you don’t want to drink? It can’t be rationalized. But, if I still haven’t convinced you, here are some prizes that would be better than a yearly Super Bowl ticket that a.) will make you not want to partake in the Bud Light scavenger hunt and b.) not leave you feeling like a loser.

 

Willy Wonka

 

1,) A lifetime supply of (insert beer of choice here)

2.) Getting a new car of your choosing every year

3.) Having an annual meeting with Roger Goodell where he can’t use words with the letter “e” and you get to scream at him for an hour

4.) Getting to decide the NFL/NCAAF schedule every year

5.) Committing one crime with complete immunity

 

See? Wouldn’t those things be way cooler than winning Super Bowl tickets every year? So don’t even bother trying to win this uninspiring marketing stunt from the lesser light beer. It’s like James Harden’s approach to playing defense – if you don’t try, you can’t fail.

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The Office Sports Guy

SAT Score: 1850 - 640, 610, 600. My counselor said she'd never seen someone, "so well-rounded." Favorite Winter Olympic Sport: 1.) Curling 1A.) Biathlon. Both started ironically and have grown to genuine love. Celebrity to grab drinks with: Jesus. Nobody is better at mixing in a water than that guy.
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