Los Angeles? More Like LOSS Angeles

LA teams as a collective have been taking a few L’s lately, and I’m not referring to the good kind that will come with the passing of Proposition 64.

Ahh Los Angeles. The City of Angels. The destination for those who dream to make it big then realize they’re not nearly as talented as all of their loves ones led them to believe. No I’m not referring to myself, (why would you even think that?) I am referring to the Los Angeles Chargers, LA’s newest football team.


Last week the Bolts officially left the Whale’s Vagina founded by the Germans in 1904 for the bright lights of Tinsel Town. The team is hoping for a new beginning after a disappointing season that included a loss to the Browns. However, the transition could be going, well, better.


The Chargers unveiled their new logo and Twitter immediately attacked them.



So, instead of getting rid of it, they literally doubled down by releasing two more logos.




The team then held an event at a Clippers game that backfired almost immediately. The Staples Center erupted in jeers after the logo was broadcast on the jumbotron and showed Chargers TE Jeff Cumberland waving to the crowd.



As a somewhat new resident of Los Angeles, I’m finding that LA is kind of like parents that don’t know their kids very well. They end up getting their kids clothes and a bunch of gift cards when what they really wanted was bikes. LA wants a solution to the traffic problem and a more reasonable cost of living, but instead received another sub .500 football team.


But the Chargers aren’t the only team bringing the misery of defeat to Los Angeles. In fact, LA teams as a collective have been taking a few L’s lately, and I’m not referring to the good kind that will come with the passing of Proposition 64.


Here’s what you need to know about the recent LA sportscape.


Chargers: As I mentioned before, all of SoCal is unanimously pissed at the organization. Plus, I’m already dreading the fact that in a few years the traffic here will only get worse due to Phillip River’s 19* kids learning how to drive.



Rams: The Rams announced last week that they hired Redskins offensive coordinator Sean McVay to be their next head coach. This is an extremely LA move for two reasons. First, he’s the youngest coach in the history of the NFL, so already comes in with some novelty and low expectations. Second, he rides his bike to work. Analysts everywhere are concerned that he may not be able to “command the locker room,” but they should be more concerned with how he’ll handle Jared Goff. You know what they say, nothing helps an inexperienced QB like an inexperienced head coach.



Lakers: The Lakers are kind of like a kid that peaked in high school (again, not referring to myself). They’re so used to being at the top of the food chain and well-liked, then get rocked in the face for two years at college. They made a big splash at the beginning of the year after beating the Warriors, but are now 3-8 in their last eleven. They’re fifteen games below .500 and have a long way to go before they’re relevant in the NBA.



Clippers: The Lakers’ little brother has actually looked really solid up to this point. They came out of the gates hot but have cooled off and currently are fourth in the Western Conference. But, it was announced yesterday that Chris Paul tore a ligament in his thumb and is out for 6-8 weeks. Luckily for them All-Star weekend is coming up, but they face the Warriors twice before that and will be without their franchise player. At this point, they need to hope that Cliff Paul actually exists and is more than just a State Farm agent.



Kings: The Kings are a funky team this year. They just kind of hover around .500, trading one win for one loss almost routinely. Currently, the Kings are the second wild card team in the West, which would match them up against either Minnesota or Chicago if the season ended today. They also did that awkward thing promoting Kopitar to captain, while demoting Dustin Brown to alternate captain and not trading him. I don’t know, the Kings are weird and probably won’t do anything this year.



Ducks: This is the only team in LA that’s doing well actually. They’re first in the Pacific and will be a tough matchup for any team in the playoffs, but they play in Anaheim so that’s already a bummer. Couple that with the fact that they traded these jerseys:



For these jerseys:



And the Ducks may actually be the biggest losers in the NHL. Plus, I hate them. So there’s that.



In a city with a million things to do at any given time with fans that can be described as indifferent at best, one can only hope that the city turns it around soon. However, that seems pretty unlikely. So, to our LA revelers I encourage you to pick out a new hobby. Try reading, maybe surf a little bit, anything to pass the time until the Dodgers start back up again. Whatever it is you choose to do, just don’t take the 405.


*hyperbole, think he’s only got like six or seven kids, but that’s still a lot.


SAT Score: 1850 - 640, 610, 600. My counselor said she'd never seen someone, "so well-rounded." Favorite Winter Olympic Sport: 1.) Curling 1A.) Biathlon. Both started ironically and have grown to genuine love. Celebrity to grab drinks with: Jesus. Nobody is better at mixing in a water than that guy.
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