Last week Tysenberg, a colleague of mine at Entry Revel published an “Objective Non-Partisan Overview of Donald Trump’s performance so far.” Besides Tysenberg being obviously confused about the definitions of objective and non-partisan the entire piece read like a failed audition to join the “Daily Show.” I’ve tried to hold my tongue about all the self induced hysteria and the hot garbage takes on the Trump presidency coming fresh out of everyone’s ass, but this one was just too much. This wasn’t objective, it wasn’t “non-partisan,” no matter what the title says, and, more importantly, it wasn’t effective at being anything more than just another irrelevant article thrown atop the shit pile of content people have crafted in proclamation to the #dumpTrump movement and the continuation of worthless identity politics.
“I’m out of sympathy for everyone who spent the last month creating crises because they can’t handle being on the ideologically defeated side for once in their twenty something years on this planet.”
Look, I get it. You’re pissed Trump got elected. Join the club. I got pissed when he announced his candidacy. I got more pissed when I started seeing the writing on the wall that there was a real possibility he could hijack my party’s nomination for his populist mob bullshit, and when it all came crashing down on January 20th I got absolutely furious that not only would I have to hear “President Trump” for the next four years…….**pause for a shot of tequila and ten Hail Marys**…..but that the political Left’s cycle of paranoia and alarmist victim generating would only increase in intensity and ridiculousness. I’m all out of sympathy for everyone who spent the last month creating crises because they can’t handle being on the ideologically defeated side for once in their twenty something years on this planet.
King Crybabies and the Death of Independent Thought
Especially you, Tysenberg. Your contribution to the canon of left wing hysteria is particularly heinous because it’s fundamentally deliberately deceptive, smug, and in no way intended to adhere to its title. You never meant to give an “objective, non-partisan overview.” Know how I know? The first sentence. “Do you know how exhausting it is to keep up with all of Trump’s fuckups?” Please, Tysenberg, enlighten all the barely literate plebes to the magnitude of the cross you carry. Bro you’re in your twenties. You’re old enough to be cognizant for MAYBE two presidents. I bet the only reason you know Barack Obama exists is because your middle/high school history teacher hyped him up like the second coming of Christ.
Millennial Trump dissidents love pouring this tactic on every media outlet. “Oh, but Trump is the worst President ever! Barack Obama was so much better.” No, Trump’s just the worst president you’ve perceived in your pathetically short existence, and the only reason you like Obama is because pop culture told you to. You have yet to create an independent political thought, but your confidence in every opinion you’re spoon fed rivals the Westboro Baptist Church on the unfounded and insufferable spectrum. Why don’t you try tracking your local politicians’ fuck ups instead. Oh but SNL isn’t doing a skit about them so they must not matter right?
A Case for the Crown
But in case you doubted Tysenberg’s article as gospel, he tells you “he lived in DC for a couple months.” I understand he probably meant to be humorous, but something tells me he’s serious. He probably thinks himself superior to anyone else giving opinions, and definitely anyone that voted Trump only because he’s paid an electric bill in the District of Columbia. Newsflash Tysenberg, the DC homeless live there too so I wouldn’t be using that as the criteria for declaring yourself a political savant next time you’re in a crowd and want to drop some Trump takes. Though I doubt anyone in Tysenberg’s circle will question any of his Trump prophecies, because that’s not how their game works.
You see, the point all these people are trying to make isn’t that they actually think Trump is all of the things they say he is. This is a contest, a pageant to see who can be the saddest for our
D emocracy Constitutional Republic, the most offended, and the most smug in their soothsaying of his inevitable failures. They don’t give a shit whether he succeeds or fails, all this posturing and hysteria is nothing more than useless shrieking into an echo chamber filled with ideological peers in the hopes to garner the most approval and win the title of being the most politically opposite of anything and everything Donald Trump.
My Flag Boy and Your Flag Boy
That’s my biggest beef with this mob mentality identity politics bullshit. It doesn’t matter what side of the political spectrum it falls on, it’s useless and detrimental to discourse in America. You’re not critiquing a president, you’re trying to capitalize on the deception of the public narrative for likes and shares. You’re also not trying to reach across the aisle and ask and offer opinions and solutions on how we can best govern a nation of 300 million people, you’re looking down on “The other side,” whom you view as ideologically and intellectually inferior, fit only for you to use as laughingstocks in your attempt to reach relevance. Tysenberg’s article is petty pandering to the most extreme of the ideological Left in the form of a shitty literary Jon Stewart impersonation, and does nothing but entrench both sides in their beliefs and idealism.