For those of us average looking people, we need every advantage we can get in life. But we shouldn’t be so disappointed. The sad reality is that there are people who aren’t lucky enough to supplement their average looks with anything close to an average mind. As is the case, check out a few tips and tricks to turn that booze-soaked, brain cell-deprived mind into something that people believe holds more than sports statistics, TV show schedules, and Happy Hour Specials:
Tone Down the Facial Hair
I am probably the biggest hypocrite when it comes to this. I’m all about letting my beard grow, mostly because I’m just lazy, but that doesn’t have to be your excuse. Keep a clean face. It projects an appearance which people can respect. If you’re going to have facial hair, keep it brushed, keep it full, keep it soft. Life hack- if you can grow a full beard, I’m talking face and neck, keep the neck shaved; it makes the face look cleaner and chisels your jawline. You can thank me later.
You don’t have to know all the numbers of pi, but having a basic, general understanding of current events, politics, sports, entertainment, etc. goes a long way. For example, it’s probably best to know which political candidates are affiliated with which party, who is playing in the Super Bowl, why every girl, except Vanessa, on this past season of The Bachelor actually won by not having to end up with Nick—just little things here and there will impress the people you interact with on a daily basis.
But first, a Zack Morris timeout.
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Got Glasses? Wear Them
You remember how in middle school we all thought those kids who wore glasses were nerds? Well, guess what? They’re now probably our doctors, lawyers, bosses, and most importantly, not on the verge of going blind. I’m not going to bore you with what studies say what, it’s Googleable. (PS: this is me projecting intelligence because in person, I would have said something along the lines of “well, a psychology study shows…”).
Pants that fit, clothes which are ironed, shirts tucked in appropriately, tailored suits, polished shoes, CLOTHES THAT MATCH. Look good, play good. It’s a real thing.
LOL Fuck that shit.
In short, just associate with dumber people because the rest of this sounds like too much effort.