The Sanctity That Is The Office Bathroom

Your boss makes a dollar, you make a dime, that's why you should always poop on company time.

In any given work day throughout the week, we deal with the stress of deadlines, screening phone calls from angry clients, angrier bosses, annoying coworkers, the sexually harassing maintenance person, or any combination of the above. The worst part about it is that we, as post-grads, typically have to face all this in the open air space of a cubicle barely big enough to fit the super vintage 1998 Dell computer the office equips us with.

Even if you are lucky enough to have an office with a door, you still look for an escape from all the stresses of everyday work life. The truth is that there is only one place that can happen: The sanctuary that is the office bathroom.

The office bathroom is a place where silence is golden. It is the time (or times) of day where the only things you have to worry about are accidentally liking your ex’s photo from 3 years ago and staying in there too long. Don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, don’t even think about acknowledging my existence. It’s the only time of the work day which can worry more about ourselves than the jobs we were apparently hired to do. It’s not that I don’t want to speak with my coworkers or superiors, it’s more about the fact that we have been seen coming out of a stall where we just did our shame business. In my opinion, it’s really not the ideal light we as professionals-ish, want people to see us in, especially if said shame business stems from the previous night’s overdone happy hour.

So whether you are setting your line up because Yahoo Fantasy is blocked on your office computer, reading Bachelor In Paradise spoilers, checking EntryRevel for hot new stuff, or just a good old fashioned social media stalking spree, enjoy the quiet.

Keep this in mind- your boss makes a dollar, you make a dime, and that’s why you should always poop on company time.

PS- Flush your toilets and wash your hands, you filthy creatures.

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OMA. "That's so Shravan" is the proper way to say my name. Brown-ish guy, Southern-ish accent. Tennessee Volunteer. I like Michelob Ultra, Bachelor/ette Mondays, Tacos, Brunch, and Harry Potter. Super like me on Tinder.
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