Whether you like it or not, I’m getting married in the next year-ish (sorry, ladies … and gents) so I’m probably going to be writing a lot about the trials and tribulations that go along with holy matrimony. My first series: prenups … the case for them, the case against them … and how to go about asking for one.
According to Mint.com, my net worth is approximately that of a 16th-century serf who always took the “over” on local jousting matches. Simply put, I’m scraping the bottom of the 99% barrel. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have any value … right?
Society has deemed that to ask for a prenup is a faux pas second only to asking your boss how much they make. Well, society doesn’t have to pay half of its future earnings, child support and alimony to that philandering whore of an ex-wife just so she can retain a similar “lifestyle.”
“Society” forgets all too often that aside from being an agent of plot thickening in a Drew Barrymore rom-com, a prenuptial agreement is simply an instrument of the law like a marriage license or a mortgage. How come those are good things?
“But Tyler, no one wants to think about divorce.” Well, no one wants to meet their maker either, but we all find ourselves thinking 6 feet ain’t so far down (thanks, Scott Stapp, lead singer of Creed). And the fact of the matter is despite how awesome bae was during college and in his or her mid-30’s, a spare tire and a cheap Pinot Noir reliance can change a person. 50 percent of marriages end the in divorce. It’s a fact.
Wouldn’t it just be easier to plan for the worst before the resentment, restraining orders and expensive local attorneys carefully selected from a billboard have the get involved? Think of it as marriage insurance. Or a “lover’s fiduciary duty” if you’re trying to convince your future Mrs.
And just think about what you could be protecting. If you have even the slightest shred of confidence in your ability to hold a job … you could be worth tens of hundreds of dollars when you marriage falls apart. Or better yet, what about all those ideas you and you friends came up with while listening to “Dark Side of the Moon” backward. No-smell-tuna-fish is the kinda stuff that will get you a bean bag chair at the big boy’s table in Silicon Valley. You don’t want your grubby, no good ex getting her nubby little fingers that you never really liked anyway on your hoards of cash.
And don’t forget if a Lifetime movie script palys out and you are awarded an unprecedented cash windfall upon the death of your great aunt who had no heirs to her secret fortune. Hey it could happen!
You don’t want t be giving up half of your “fuck you” money.
So not getting a prenup is irresponsible quite frankly. You’re failing yourself, your partner and the institution of marriage by not signing one. Don’t for a second think that it’ll never happen to us … and never, EVER ask you significant other about said prenuptial agreement after more than 2 drinks and/or near sharp objects.
Tune in over the next few weeks as I finish out my series by giving advice on how to approach the prenup talk and why not to get a prenup.