SQUAD

Meet the talent ...

Tyler (TeeTime)

Founder and Big Boss Man

What is your biggest irrational fear?  Walking out of the bathroom at work with my genitals still exposed. I've had more nightmares than I can count where this happens.

Marry, Fuck, Kill: Paul Rudd, Bill Murray, Dwayne Johnson? I'm definitely killing The Rock, just so I can say I killed The Rock. Definitely getting drunk and making bad decisions with Paul Rudd - I mean the dude has looked the same since Clueless. And I am marrying Bill Murray because he seems caring and genuine, and isn't that what every guy wants in a man of his dreams?

Favorite Starburst flavor? No brainer: yellow. This stems from my days as an overweight youth. I was like a bottom feeder, taking all the Halloween candy no one wanted. I also prefer banana Runts.

Eric (Weebay)

Pseudo-Founder & Editor

Livin' the good life in the ATX.  Tacos are part of my food pyramid.  Don't listen to my stock advice.  Sock game is unparalleled.  Find me at your local watering hole with a whiskey in hand.

Jay (The Office Sports Guy)

Founder of The Office Sports Guy and Contributor

Favorite winter sport: Bobsled ... two words, COOL RUNNINGS
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How many 5 year-olds could I take on in a fight?  Before I had a kid of my own my answer would have been WAY different, but my daughter is only 7 months old and she already pulls my hair and claws at my face...point is that kids fight dirty as shit. So despite my size advantage I'm saying I could take 3, maybe 4 tops
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What was your worst job? Worst job was doing landscaping during the summer back in college (followed closely by selling Cutco).  There's a reason why I'm an accountant - other than my giant ass - and mowing other peoples' lawns in 95 degree heat in the summer was absolutely brutal.  I wasn't built for manual labor.

AJ

Editor

Do You wash your feet? What the hell kind of question is that? No shot I'm bending over to wash my feet. I've seen prison movies. I let the runoff from the rest of my already cleansed body take care of that. In theory, after a shower your feet should be clean. It's the same reason I never wash my towels.

GIF or JIF?  I don't care what the inventor says. It's G-IF. It stands for Graphic Image File, and it's not your dog's favorite peanut butter brand. Be better.

How may five year olds could I take on in a fight? How mean are these 5 year olds? Physically I could probably fend off about 5 or 6. But if they're calling me fat and saying I'm ugly it would only take two. I'm very weak mentally. Also, do they have weapons? And where are their parents? It's a school night. This country is going to hell in a hand basket.

Rachel L.

Contributor

Whats the whitest thing you've ever done? Correcting the ‘whats’ at the beginning of this sentence to "what’s"

MFK: Marry Paul Rudd ... anything we did would be hilarious. Imagine going swimming with Paul Rudd. Amazing concept. I might DM him and see if he's into it. Kill Bill Murray because he was literally so gross in Osmosis Jones. PS, re-watch Osmosis Jones ... 10/10 film. Down to have the Rock as a sidepiece, but I'm a Paul Rudd girl through and through, so I'd just bone him instead.

Favorite Candy: Berry Skittles.

Cat N.

Contributor

What was your SAT score? I didn't take it. But as an arrogant Michigan alum I can guarantee it would have been higher than yours.

What's the whitest thing you've ever done? Signing up to write for a blog with a bunch of other white people. Also, pumpkin spice lattes.

Favorite winter Olympic sport? Curling! It's the only Olympic sport you can play and drink at the same time*
*That was a nugget I learned in high school and have since not found the time to fact check. Could be entirely false.

Ken J.

Contributor

What is the worst job you've ever worked?  It's a tie between 1) selling funerals to angry old people door to door right before Christmas; and 2) standing 12 hour shifts arranging decals on overpriced jerseys...also right before Christmas.

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? I've heard there are planets in the outer reaches of the galaxy that are made entirely of diamonds. I would bring one of those back and create more diamonds than you've ever seen. With a big one made into a cowboy that I wear only on special occasions because it's so heavy. But if I have to limit my answer to Earth, Italy sounds neat.

Favorite Starburst flavor? Orange.

TJ (Tommy Hollywood)

Contributor

What was your SAT Score? 1850 - 640, 610, 600. My counselor said she'd never seen someone, "so well-rounded."

What is your favorite winter Olympic Sport? 1.) Curling 1A.) Biathlon. Both started ironically and have grown to genuine love.
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What celebrity would you want to grab drinks with? Jesus. Nobody is better at mixing in a water than that guy.