As I get older, it takes disproportionately larger amounts of alcohol to break down the small talk barrier and transform me back to a real human boy from a soulless corporate cyborg. Without roughly 10 light lagers in me, nights out with friends can be more like taking out the garbage in “King of the Hill.” So I now come to the bar armed with the cure for the common small talk: hypothetical questions. Typically divisive and always assured to leave someone offended, these are guaranteed to be more exciting than a game of Cards Against Humanity. Welcome to Think Tanked.
This week: Guys: Would you want to be a stay at home dad? Ladies: Would you let your man be a stay at home dad?
Let’s set some parameters: The wife makes enough money that the husband doesn’t need to work, you can’t hire any help and you have at least one kid who isn’t in school (but is at least at the age where you can play fetch with him).
We’ll share the best responses on Twitter and Facebook. GO! (Hint: My answer is below)
This is an absolute no-brainer. This is a resounding YES. Just call me Mr. Mom. What’s not to love about being home with my kid all day? Play a little LEGOS, run some hoops drills so that he can fulfill my unrealized dreams then dump the little guy in front of an iPad so daddy can play some online poker. Plus I don’t want some 19 year ITT Tech dropout raising my kids for the low introductory price of a second mortgage while I wallow away in middle management. Laundry wouldn’t be ideal but if I play my cards right I can use part of my allowance to hire the 80 cents per pounds door-to-door service laundry mat without the old ball and chain finding out.
I’d be baking Tasty video creations like Rachel Ray all day and renovating rooms in no time with some HGTV guidance. I’d have time for Target runs, Whole Foods trips and Mommy and Me classes. I’d be the king of errands and the slayer of the Honey Do list. Not to mention I’d keep the Missus’ friends envious of her with two a days at Equinox and plenty of wheat grass from Jamba Juice. Forget the dad bod, I’m going straight Hasselhoff in season two of Bay Watch. The entrepreneur in me might even turn a hobby into a small business – maybe sell some bird houses on Pinterest? But Tyler, what about being emasculated by your wife? Would you feel like less of a man if your wife was the bread winner? Not a chance. First and foremost, I’d complain enough that she thought my job was terribly difficult. And secondly I’d be too busy to care since I’d be living the dream watching the opening rounds of golf tournaments, catching the Price is Right live and getting all the good mid-week samples at Costco.