Patagonia’s Marketing Department Won Black Friday

Patagonia’s marketing team just pulled off the Ponzi Scheme of the marketing and PR field. The SWOTzi scheme if you will. In case you’ve been living under a rock, Patagonia announced that they will be donating all Black Friday sales to local environmental charities. Take that REI.

Most astute cynics would quickly have picked up on the fine print: “only Patagonia online and store sales, not profits from other retailers that carry Patagonia brand will be donated.” Bravo, gumshoe. But me, I’m smarter than your average bear and saw right through these crunchy, Phish groupie, outdoorsy types. Their move is a stroke of absolute genius. Diabolical if you ask me.

These free-range, non-genetically modified marketers know that Patagonia purveyors aren’t shopping on Black Friday. Shoppers at Northface’s successful older brother fall into two categories:

  1. People who know what “on-belay” means and are part of the tiny house movement, and;
  2. I-Banking analysts who totaled their dads Range Rover the night before Thanksgiving

The former is celebrating REI #OptOutside day with whitewater rafting and planting trees, and the latter group is trying to get the hooker taste out of their mouth from Wednesday. These bros in spelunking uniforms are recovering from a back-to-back bender after the biggest bar night of the year and going drink for drink with Uncle Jack while reminiscing about the Reagan administration.

Either way, the odds of anyone buying a fleece vest at the unofficial end of fall are worse than Patagonia customer 1 and 2 above seeing eye to eye on a political candidate. Patagonia will essentially get off Scott free save for a few moms with PTSD from Black Friday at Beat Buy last year who want to take the road less traveled.

So today I applaud you, Patagonia marketing team. Not only do you look holier than though, but you debit that bottom line the same amount of your greenhouse gas emissions by giving grateful local charities 100% of next to nothing.