Is Your Company Racist if You Don’t Get MLK Day Off?

I get it. Everyone around you is reveling in the freedom of a long weekend. Road trips, Saturday night debauchery on a Sunday and 2017 Hyundai Blowout sales are clogging up your newsfeed like you did the 6th floor handicap stall this AM. For you are the sole company man among your friend group forced to endure a 1-day sentence in the Corporate Penitentiary system. Don’t worry, Dave and Busters isn’t that fun anyways.

It’s easy to blame management, shareholders or those pesky consultants for this crime against humanity.

But is calling your firm racist justified?

No, no it is not. In fact, it makes you look like an ignorant nincompoop …

Sure there are a lot of racist assholes in this country, many of which are rich, white business owners. But just because there is a xenophobic douche running Accounting, doesn’t mean your company is racist. For example Frederic Rouzand, CEO of Cristal (yes, the champagne you can’t afford) was accused of being racist by Jay-Z for not embracing the hip-hop community. Is it a good look for the figurehead of a company to be a bigot? No, it’s typically not good for the bottom line. But does that make the firm as a whole racist? No, it sure doesn’t, even if they are predominantly smelly French people.

And neither does your company choosing not to provide private sector employees (you) with a Monday off. Remember, under the Uniform Monday Holiday act (yes, Congress spent hard earned tax dollars naming, debating and passing this) only federal employees are legally subject to staying home and taking advantage of appliance sales on the 3rd Monday in January.

The real reason your company doesn’t celebrate MLK’s birthday isn’t because of racism, it’s because of capitalism. They already gave your ass too many days off for the holidays and quite frankly, can’t trust you with a long weekend in Q1. Sorry for them wanting to keep food on your table while the rest of the world’s economic machine is churning.

So do you have a problem with capitalism, bro?




Still think your company is racist? Then it’s time to look in the mirror my friend. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the biggest accomplice to racism of them all? If you’re part of a systemically racist organization, you probably own a white hood or have a shaved head, but most definitely are part of the problem. Not giving you a day off or swapping Monday holidays with Presidents’ Day doesn’t make your firm racist. But illegal hiring practices, profiling customers and generally being shitty does. And since an organization is only as good as its people, you’re a racist bag of dicks.

So, if you just realized you work for a racist organization, find the nearest meansof egress and skip the “keep in touch email.” If you don’t work for a racist organization, stop saying it is because you’re bitter that you can’t watch Price is Right in your sweatpants. The best possible outcome is a day off and the worst is your company being labeled as racist. Be less dumb people.

Here are some of MLKs greatest hits to get you through the day …

And of course …