Brands like Burger King and their Recent Pranks Have Officially Killed April Fool’s Day

April Fool’s Day has been around forever. Historians believe that its origins lie with the Roman festival of Hilaria, which translates roughly to “Day everyone at the office hates.” Again, this is a very rough translation. April Fool’s Day was the Super Bowl for pranksters since the dawn of time. Today, it’s become an overdone, obnoxious demonstration of how insufferable a single person or entity can be. Brands got involved. When brands get involved with anything, it immediately becomes less fun.

When brands get involved with a cause, be it April Fool’s Day, or any other, it immediately becomes a money/conversation grab, and the conversation goes off the rails (see: any meme or hashtag a brand has ever tweeted.) Today, we’re going to take a look at some of the worst brand activations going on around April Fool’s Day 2017.

Burger King

Our good friends over at nobody’s favorite fast food restaurant were off to a great start. They created a product for April Fool’s Day that puts their most popular menu item into a TOOTHPASTE! A toothpaste! Can you believe it? It’s so wacky and zany that it might just be true! It’s not. And it’s stupid. No one wants to eat an actual Whopper, let alone one in paste form. Get out of my face with this garbage BK.

Bush’s Baked Beans

Bush makes beans. They used to have that talking dog that was always trying to sell the secret family recipe. What have they resorted to now? Well they sell beans, so what else would they do for April Fool’s Day, but sell JELLY BEANS. It’s the next logical move, right? Creating a fake can of baked jelly beans must have taken at least 5 minutes of thought. But I am the one writing a blog about them, so the jokes on me I guess.

Jim Beam

I love Jim Beam. It’s cheap bourbon, but for how cheap it is, it’s actually pretty good. This April Fool’s prank is not. People apparently have called it Jim Bean before. I have never, in all my years on this God forsaken planet, heard someone refer to this company as Jim Bean. I guess it happens, though, so I’ll take their word for it.

Turkey Hill Dairy knows that good milk comes from cows that have a healthy domestic relationship. They “built” a real knee slapper of a website called that connects cows on dates like Tinder. What does this have to do with milk? I have no idea, this is getting old fast.

Zip Car Mooning

I love toilet humor. Mooning falls within that category. There’s nothing quite as simple and funny as pulling down your pants and exposing your bare ass to an unsuspecting stranger. In the simpler times, this was a great prank, but today, this will probably get you some kind of sexual harassment charge. At least that’s what HR has told me on multiple occasions. Zip Car has taken to “mooning” their fans and influencers by sending them packs of Moon Pies. As a former Chattanooga, Tennessee native, I am all in on Moon Pies. They’re a great snack and a staple of the increasing type II diabetes rates in this great nation of ours. (We have some Canadian writers, so if you’re wondering, I mean America.) If you signed up to beta test some new feature from Zip Car, they sent you a Moon Pie. They cost like 50 cents, so Zip Car really broke the bank for all of this free exposure.

Can’t brands just stick to fighting on Twitter? Wendy’s taking shots at McDonald’s all week on Twitter was a highlight for me. I want all of you to listen to me, please. Let’s take a stand. Let’s end April Fool’s Day. I can only take so many “pranks” from brands and shitty ex-girlfriends before I go off the deep end. This is a cause for the greater good. Let’s take back pranks, and Make April Fool’s Day Great Again by never again celebrating this showcase of douchebaggery. Follow me to freedom!