Long Weekend

Power Ranking the Long Weekend Holidays

If you haven’t parlayed the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day into a 2-week vacation for the low price of 2 PTO days and 1 floating holiday, are you even a corporate citizen? MacGyvering the system to do as little work as possible for the longest time possible is one of the most rewarding feelings in a precarious minefield of really bad feelings.

But what’s more rewarding than a 2-week celebration of Jesus’ birthday? That moment on a Wednesday morning before a long weekend when you suddenly remember you have a long weekend coming up. These are Congress’ gift to corporate Americans that have been proven to decrease “going postal” by 16% over the past two decades.

So in the spirit of Labor Day and all that is glorious about the long weekend, including “3-day mattress sales” and “no APR car loans,” I’ve power ranked the best long weekend holidays.

In all fairness, we know the king of the long-weekend holidays is Thanksgiving, but for the purposes of this blog we will exclude the G.O.A.T.

#5. Labor Day: The Sunday Scaries of long weekends. It’s a reminder that summer is over, you don’t have a vacation planned for the next 10 months and you need to right your career that is currently in a tailspin. On the bright side, you don’t need to worry about taking your shirt for like 8 months.

#4. Columbus Day: Tyler how dare you recognize this! It is a sham of a holiday that wrongfully justifies a man who “discovered” something that didn’t need discovering!

To that I say I’m not here to argue right and wrong, I’m here to power rank long weekends. And this one ain’t nothing to circle on the calendar. This technically kicks off the unofficial beginning of the holiday time-off schedule but is such a tease with roughly a month and a half until Thanksgiving. Undoubtedly the blue ball of long weekends.

#3. Presidents/MLK Day: Let me apologize in advance for giving these days the “tomato/tomatoe” treatment. Trying to tell them apart (aside from their historical differences) is like trying to tell the Olsen twins apart on an episode of Full House: damn near impossible.

Sure they’re a welcome reprieve from the winter but mostly just stand as a reminder that your holiday credit card payment is due in the next few days. Smack in the middle of the winter doldrums I’m pretty sure they were only invented to combat Seasonal Affective Disorder.

#2. Veterans Day: This is what I like to call a coin-flip holiday. A tweener if you will. You never really know if you’re going to get this one off, especially if you work for a foreign entity who has lost a war to us. But if you can get a day off two weeks before Thanksgiving, count your blessings.

#1. Memorial Day: Hands down the top dog. It’s got it all: the weather is beginning to turn respectable, it’s socially acceptable to live by the “skies out thighs out” mantra and grilled meat becomes a staple of your diet.

You haven’t had a holiday in months and you can almost smell the sweet aroma of intern season. Company sponsored happy hours and the next eight weeks are pretty much the only reason you get up every morning.